Gonna Get Me a Piece of the Bailout

Early in my investing "career," I was persuaded by my broker (a guy I genuinely liked) to put money into some sort of cranberry cooperative. Being green at high finance, I parted easily with my money after listening to his pitch and without doing any real due diligence of my own. Cranberries and their derivative products were destined to become consumer staples, cranberry juice would soon overtake Coca-Cola, and if I wanted in on the action, I needed to help whomever it was do whatever they were doing to corner the market on Wisconsin bogs. The money I lost when the firm went belly-up would have paid for my honeymoon and then some.

Since then I've found novel ways to lose much larger sums. For example, I resisted the temptation to participate in the tech mania of the nineties until after the bubble popped, PE's returned to double digits, and my broker convinced me that Lucent and Palm, having "corrected" significantly, were poised to resume their flight path to the heavens. I would discover that they were, of course, still in the early stages of their death spirals.

With the new millenium, I put a significant portion of my net worth into my employer, ready to have it treble or quadruple in a few years thanks to my own hard work. Having gained a lot more sophistication by then, I researched the industry thoroughly; diligently pored over financial statements and business plans; and paid large fees to attorneys and accountants for their expert advice. Things went swimmingly for a couple years and then business conditions changed dramatically and well, I don't want to talk about the rest.

This past summer the odor of the rat I had been smelling became truly objectionable, so I took measures to liquidate most of my stock holdings and to start buying Treasuries. I kept my most significant positions, however, figuring the energy companies I owned would continue to be propped up by the high price of oil and that the Polish firm that was coming to dominate alcohol distribution in emerging European markets would continue to sail above the fray. Wrong and wrong, respectively.

Until now, I thought losses were part of the game, although admittedly the unpleasant part. But I've learned there's a movement underway by some pretty savvy people to petition the government to make them whole in the wake of their investment missteps, so I figure I'm just going to go join that crowd.